6 Years Ago

Six years ago, seems like a lifetime ago, I held his hand and watched him slip away! September 1, 2004 was the hardest day of my life so far, it was the day my dad passed away. My dad was a constant in my life, he didn't live with us because my mom and dad separated when I was 2. I loved my dad and he was an inspiration to me and still is today! He suffered for so long with numerous illnesses and diseases. He had heart attacks, diabetes, lung cancer. It was the cancer that finally took him. He meant so much to me, still does.
I hate that he has missed so much over the last 6 years. I know he would have loved his grand children so much. I look at Joshua and see my dad every once in a while, Joshua actually remembers him. Sarah was just 4 months old when he died, she has no memory of him at all. I do have a couple of pictures of him holding her. I treasure those. I wish Dad had meet Chad and Sam. Sam's middle name is David just like my dad's middle name. Sam has a birthmark on the back of his head, I like to think of it as a Kiss from my dad and grandma. (I know that sounds silly, but it helps ease the pain)
I went to the cemetery today, just being there broke my heart. I sat and cried for a while and Sam played. He came over and gave me a hug. I know Dad would hate that I have been crying about him today and he would want me to get on with my life. I want to make him proud. I love you, Daddy!

(The above picture is of me and my dad ~ 1978)

What am I thinking?

Well I have decided that I want to loose some weight. I'm fat! I know, it's not a secret. I am not trying to loose the weight for my appearance, I have been worried about my heart. I have relatives that have had heart attacks (including my dad), and I have no desire to go through that. As I get older I worry that something will happen. So this morning I put Sam in the stroller and took a walk around the block. I did it, it was hard but I am determined to get healthier. It was just a short walk and I will make it longer as I feel I can. I want to be around for a long time, and I want to do whatever I can. Sam loved the walk and cried when I got back to the house and we had to go inside. Wish me luck!

Being a parent isn't always Easy

Who am I kidding, is it ever easy? I went to pick up Joshua from camp yesterday. I was so happy to see him. I asked all the typical questions: "How was camp?" "Did you have fun?" etc. I got answers although not extensive answers. I just passed it off as him being tired. The ride home was rough, Sarah and Joshua fought the entire way home. I had to pull over twice to move them and threaten them. The afternoon was hard with more arguing, I decided to take them to the spray ground to let them get rid of some of their energy. All 3 kids had a great time. Last night we went to the mall and dealt with more jealousy between our two oldest. They went to bed and I thought everything would be better after a good night's sleep! Boy, was I wrong! This morning we got up and headed out to yard sales, one of our Saturday morning traditions. After we laid Sam down for his nap, I took Sarah to a movie and Chad took Joshua to one (my mom was at home with Sam), thinking that it would be good for the kids. When we got home the fighting began again! We sent Joshua to his bed and let him cry it out. About 15 mins later I asked Joshua to come talk to me. He then explained he didn't have a good time at camp. Evidently one of his roommates told him he would be his friend if he could beat Joshua up. HE said he was scared every day! I'm so happy that I didn't know when I picked him up, I probably would have said some things unbecoming to a mother of 3. I loved Craig Springs so much growing up and hope that this doesn't ruin him of going back to camp. I have cried and prayed about it, hopefully God will help Joshua and me.

FREE!

I love anything for FREE! (well almost) I love for my kids to have a good time but I hate spending money on stuff! So far we have done pretty well this week:
Monday we went to the Family Fun day at the stadium, then to the game. The Family fun thing was FREE! Did you hear that FREE! They had a place to get your picture on a baseball card and on the cover of Sports Illustrated Kids, Bounce houses, tattoos, baseball card trading, and even a traveling museum of baseball stuff (I loved that part) And did I tell you, it was all FREE! OK, I guess you can tell that I love FREE stuff! Tuesday we headed over to the Regal for their FREE movie, we saw Alvin and the Chipmunks. We we got there in the cup holders were free coupons for kids meals at Chick Fil-a. So we had lunch at the Chick Fil-a at the mall. Today we decided to try out the new Spray Ground at Riverside Park. We waited for a while for the guy to get it turned on, but had a great time playing in it. Well Sam was a little scared, he gets a little nervous around water splashing. But in the end he had fun. Oh, did I tell you it was FREE! Now what can we do tomorrow that is FREE?

Craig Springs Drop Off

Today, I dropped off my oldest at camp. He will be there until Friday morning. I know this is the 3rd year I have done it but it always makes me a little sad. He will have so much fun and I'm kinda jealous. While we were dropping him off I realized that 23 summers ago I went to Craig Springs for the first time. I was older than Joshua is now and he has been going to Craig since he was 3 years old. I am so happy he loves it as much as I do. He was so excited I thought he would squirm out of his seat in the car on the way up. I pray he will get closer to God and learn a lot throughout the week.

Sending Joshua Off to Camp

Well tomorrow I am taking Joshua up to Craig Springs for a week of New Covenant camp. This is his 3rd year and he is so excited. It is such a mixed bag of emotions. I'm so happy because he is falling in love with one of the most beautiful places in the world, I'm proud because he is fine to go by himself, he misses us a little but doesn't let it get to him. I'm sad because he will be gone for a week and I will miss him a whole bunch. One thing I love about getting him ready this year is that he has grown up a lot since last year. Last year he didn't mind taking his spider man sheets and hot wheels tooth brush. This year he said "No, mom. I'm too old for that." So we went out and bought a bottle of Gillette body wash, a grown up tooth brush and are packing blue sheets and a baseball team's beach towel. I guess it's time for him to pass some of those childish thing on to his baby bother, some I will save to always remember his childhood. I am reminded of the children's book by Karen Kingsbury http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQeDfcvTRnA Where she talks about all the lasts that your children. We always remember the firsts but do we remember the lasts. So tomorrow when I leave Craig Springs, I will leave with a tear in my eye, not only because I'm leaving my son for a week but also because I know he is growing up.

My kids are driving me crazy! - And so is everyone else!

Maybe it's just me! But everyone I come in contact with is making my skin crawl. I don't know why, but it's true. I would love for people to understand that I am a 32 year old grown up! I don't need people telling me what to do or how to do it. Now I know that I am not perfect and don't know everything but don't think I am stupid because I don't do it the way you want me to. The kids are fighting like there is no tomorrow about everything even Sam is attempting to do it, he sees his brother and sister doing it so he thinks that is the way he is supposed to do it! Sometimes I just want to cry!